i really want to go back that road
i want to step back, living in my past world
where everything feels so right
where the things that you  hold on into hurts you
but you want that thing so much that you hold on

where i feels belonged in my own skin
where i feel accepted by myself
the life that makes me feel like a winner
where i don't feel like a failure
where i don't feel left out

i miss that old feeling
that i can controlled my actions and my brains perfectly
even if it's not me who controlled it
even if it's the other me who controlled it
but it still did the right thing at that time

i like the parasites living inside of me
i don't want them to hide
i wan't them to go out
be free and consumed my body
eat away all my feelings
so i can only see, hear, talk, walk, breathe, sleep

i like that feeling, when i don't give a shit about the world
when i don't care what happens surround me
where i'm living in my own cage
trapped inside of my barriers
so i can feel safe, so people won't feel me

i like that feeling when i can't feel the madness firing inside of me
where sadness is just like people passing by
where happiness is locked with layers and layers of walls

i really want to go back the road
the dark alley behind me
it looked deathly but comfortable
and it promised me happiness

but seeing other people walk towards me
going forward to open new feelings and welcome them into their life
makes me consider about going forward and waiting for the surprises from life

i don't know where to walk
i'm lost
i'm sitting in the middle of the forest
crying
not sure if i should go out from the forest
or going back to the bears cave for safety