nothin' serious

aku terbujur dalam kekakuan
jantungku terasa beku, mati
aku menangis dalam diam
kesepian, kesendirian dalam kesedihan
aku tidak mati
namun aku juga tidak hidup

hidup
tidak kuminta namun diberikan
tidak kuterima namun kumiliki
aku menari dalam hidup
hanya sekadar hiburan
tidak lebih
seperti hidup, hanya sekedar ada
tidak lebih

kutatap nadi pergelangan tangaku
apakah kamu begitu berarti
ia membalas dengan denyut denyut lemah
bagiku terdnegar seperti melodi
yang membawaku ke alam mimpi

gerimis membahana, masuk ke telinga
merusak dunia imajinasi
akan nadi yang bermelodi
kembalilah aku lagi ke kenyataan

akupun mulai tumbang
jatuh ke pangkuan
aku yang berdiri sendiri, sekarang harus bertopang
demi hidup?
demi hidup yang hanya bagaikan pantomim
hitam dan putih
hanya menjalani tanpa suara

kapan semua arti akan terkupas
disaat angkasa terpecah
disaat semua malaikat meneteskan air mata
karena terwujudnya neraka di dunia?
apa semua in takkan terungkap?

mumford & sons- the cave

It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's land

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

i really want to go back that road
i want to step back, living in my past world
where everything feels so right
where the things that you  hold on into hurts you
but you want that thing so much that you hold on

where i feels belonged in my own skin
where i feel accepted by myself
the life that makes me feel like a winner
where i don't feel like a failure
where i don't feel left out

i miss that old feeling
that i can controlled my actions and my brains perfectly
even if it's not me who controlled it
even if it's the other me who controlled it
but it still did the right thing at that time

i like the parasites living inside of me
i don't want them to hide
i wan't them to go out
be free and consumed my body
eat away all my feelings
so i can only see, hear, talk, walk, breathe, sleep

i like that feeling, when i don't give a shit about the world
when i don't care what happens surround me
where i'm living in my own cage
trapped inside of my barriers
so i can feel safe, so people won't feel me

i like that feeling when i can't feel the madness firing inside of me
where sadness is just like people passing by
where happiness is locked with layers and layers of walls

i really want to go back the road
the dark alley behind me
it looked deathly but comfortable
and it promised me happiness

but seeing other people walk towards me
going forward to open new feelings and welcome them into their life
makes me consider about going forward and waiting for the surprises from life

i don't know where to walk
i'm lost
i'm sitting in the middle of the forest
crying
not sure if i should go out from the forest
or going back to the bears cave for safety