boring rambles about me being bored with my boring life

My dad once said
"Be grateful for a boring day"
That sentence sometimes popped into my mind at random times
I know what he means
It's better to feel bored than to feel sad or fear
It's better to be bored than surviving in a natural disaster or something

But what about the fear of having a boring life
I don't think a boring life and a boring day is the same
Whenever i feel bored with my life
i always wondered
Am i living it right?
Should i search for more?
This boring routines that are planted in our minds as an ideal life
Can something as complex as living be idealized?
Idealism comes from our existing knowledge
What about all the things we don't know?
About all the things life can offer?

We go to college
Graduate
Find a job
Earn money to pay for food
Which we ate to survive, to have energy to go to work again tomorrow
Earn money to pay for gas
Which we use to drive to work
Earn money for "vacation"
That we need because our brain is stressed out from all the work
It's just a cycle, a stupid, predictable cycle

But it is the ideal life, right?

If someone breaks from that cycle
Society screams at them
This money driven life
Is getting boring

Yesterday i was at my friends apartment
Her room was on the 9th floor
Not that high, but high enough for me to look at the streets down below
And i said to my friend
"Look at all those cars down there, so many of them, this is a small town, but the traffic doesn't seem to stop at all, cars and motorcycles comes and go, do you ever wonder where they are going?"
I often think of that when i look at the streets from somewhere high
So many people, with different homes, different personality, different hairstyles
Sometimes i think and wonder about all of these different peoples
Their stories, their deepest darkest fears, their secrets, their hopes, dreams and desires
It must be fascinating to hear each and everyone's stories

But then a thought strikes me, and that thought just makes me frown
They're all probably living their life according to that stupid predictable cycle like myself
Makes me think about the book Paper Towns
Maybe this life I'm living is just a paper life, I'm a paper doll, with a paper house, in a paper town
....
....
....
I'm just really scared that maybe all this years i have spent living is all a waste
Some cheesy quotes will say that everyone is like a snowflake,
each of them is unique, different from one another
But even a snowflake have a pattern
If all of us is unique, different in our own ways
Why are we all living the same way?

Ah
Maybe all of this does not even makes sense
Maybe I'm just an ungrateful brat
But that's what this platform is for right?
Maybe not
But it's nice to have a place somewhere to dump your thoughts
Not giving a single fuck about how other people might react
Sometimes what you need is just a blank screen ready to be filled in
Not some motivational quotes or some heart touching life advice
i miss this

feel

it's not that i don't care
it's just, when something has been broken too far

you just stop looking for solution
you just stop giving a fuck

because it's easier not knowing
because it's easier not to care

you just start to shut down
stay in your safe haven

you look for a place to escape
but you can't run from yourself

every time you forced a smile
your heart gets more numb

and maybe after that
you forget how to feel

...

when what is wrong seems..
right
and what is right seems..
wrong

all messed up with my head
can't seem to think straight

he is my one and only
he is my novocaine
he is my addiction
but i'm afraid i'll overdose

he is a close book
that i'm too afraid to open

...to be continued